holistically: holistic :)I'm getting married soon--we're talking less-than-20-days soon!
I am so excited that I could burst! The wedding will be beautiful: smallish (just under 80 people), a church ceremony, and a reception at a gorgeous inn.
The marriage will be even more beautiful.
Before all this loveliness was planned and decided on, I had to define why I, Ashley, wanted to get married in the first place. AND, what we (my fiance and I) thought of marriage as a couple? (Thank you, my love for asking me, by the way!!) Since I resolved with myself why I wanted to marry, I've been approached by other people who want to know why I want to tie the knot.
Lots of pondering and soul-searching has gone on these last couple years because of this. I reflected on my identity as a faith-filled person, woman, feminist, bisexual human being, and tried to find where I stand with other "labels" in my life: what they mean to me, and how they're incorporated into my thoughts on marriage. Let's focus on the first "label," though: faith. Faith holds huge importance in my life. With faith, too, comes the question of religion.
My relationship with the Church (Roman Catholic, that is) has been complicated, to say the least. I won't get into all the details. The short version is that it's still complicated, but I do have tremendous faith. Faith in what? A higher power (God), heaven, love, angels, forgiveness, and the idea that we're all human and deserve dignity. I believe in blessings, miracles, and the profundity of certain sacraments and milestones in life.
Marriage is one of those sacraments; while I do not agree with the Church's or society's stance on several issues, I do believe in the meaning of a marriage rite through the church as a blessing of a union between two people (whatever gender identity and/or sexual orientation). I believe in the symbolic unification and sacred promise that two people go through in a marriage rite (be it Catholic or non-denominational or whatever!). To me, marriage rites transcend simple promises and create a palpable and yet spiritual bond between two people who made the decision to dedicate their lives to each other. That dedication is hugely intense and beautiful. It's not something to be trifled with or made light of :).
Herein lies the paradox about this whole marriage thing. Marriage is sacred. It is something to take seriously. However, at the same time, it's something that is incredibly freeing and most uplifting. To break it down a wee bit....
The serious bits
My beliefs underlying a marital promise transcends simply saying "I do" and goes so far as to say that God has blessed the promise my fiancé and I will be making to each other. Through thick and thin, through the great times and the hard times, we have God, our families and friends, and the Church as our witnesses to the fact that we are dedicating our souls' journeys to each other and our future as a couple/family. Breaking that promise and bond means breaking something sacred.
In my humble opinion, marriage needs to mean SOMETHING to you other than "yay! a wedding!" if you want it to last and you want it to be meaningful. Weddings are lovely and fun and all, sure. But they are not worth a lifetime of pain.
Do I think that you need to stay in a marriage if it's already broken, though? Hell no. That's where I may differ from certain views.
Nothing in life is 1000% certain and people do change (shocking!). I do believe that marriage is something to enter into after serious reflection and with some certainty that you're willing to make sacrifices with and for another person. I don't believe in throwing in the towel or tapping out when things get tough.
But, if you've tried it all and it won't mend, OR if there's abusive anything, time to go!
Now for the fun bits...
Have I mentioned how stoked I am to be married to my love? I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!
That pic should say "weeeeee!!"
I digress.
Now that we have all the serious stuff out of the way, let's talk how AWESOME marriage can be, ok? Marriage will allow me to live out my days with my best friend, lover, partner-in-crime, companion and whatever other cutsie names we have for each other (I know you do to.... don't lie... everybody has 'em!). Marriage means I will have someone to support me through it all, and I get the amazing fulfillment of being able to be there for the person who I love with all my heart.
Those adult people were totally right when they told me that I'd "know" when I was in love (thanks, Mom!). I know it all too well. It's the greatest and most terrifying feeling ever. To feel so much for someone and have that reciprocated is incredible, to say the least. That incredible feeling is what I am blessed enough to experience for many years to come, thanks to committing to this relationship and now marriage! I get to have this amazing person by my side who I'm crazy about and who is a wee bit crazy for me, too. I get to witness his accomplishments, happiness, ambitions, dreams--all the while, I'm inspired to be a better person and to pursue my own dreams because of him.
"But couldn't you experience all that without getting married?"
Sort of. Depends. If you believe you can, then yes.
For me and my life: I believe in the magic and spirituality of a sacramental promise. I believe in the adventure I'm about to embark in with the love of my life, and the sacredness of having Big Guns Upstairs bless our adventure, into Infinity and Beyond.
:)
