Valentine's Day.
What does that evoke for you? Do images of rose petals, chocolates, heart-shaped everything, lingerie, fancy dinner menus, decorative cards, pink, red, and purple come to mind? Do these images haunt you or excite you?
In my (humble) experience on this Earth, in an Ontarian city, I've observed a great polarity in feelings about Valentine's Day. In simpler terms: people either hate it or love it!
Personally, I'm in the "love it!" camp. Not for the reasons you may think, however... but we'll get to that.
Before we "unpack" (nice little social work term there) my love for Valentine's Day, let's take a look at the two camps, shall we?
Before we "unpack" (nice little social work term there) my love for Valentine's Day, let's take a look at the two camps, shall we?
Ok. So first off, we have the "NO" camp. I think the biggest reasons I hear muttered from people who don't like V-day say that it's too commercial, that there's too much p r e s s u r e, and that it feels fake. In other words, how can you express real love in your own way and when you want, when you're forced by society to throw gifts at someone on one specific day? The expectations can be horrendous! PLUS, if you're single or in an "it's complicated" situation, the palpable pressure to commit and/or find someone to love becomes ridiculous.
I get it--I really do. These views of Valentine's Day are born from shopping malls, card stores, commercials, and crappy movies.
So why the heck do I love Love Day?
Simple: my family.
Valentine's Day has not been about couples and romance for me until I met my partner (now fiancé). Growing up, I loved picking out Valentine's Day cards for my classmates and friends. More than anything, though, I loved the time I got to spend and celebrate with my family. As cheesy as it may sound, Valentine's Day has been about celebrating love. (Thanks, Mom!)
Family has always been so important to my inspiring mother, my incredible father, my beautiful (inside and out) sister, and me. When my dad passed away, our little family unit became even closer. We cherished what time we could celebrate together--what time we could bask in and make the most of. Once you experience a great loss, you look at time in a whole new perspective! Hence, why not use every excuse/reason to make that time fun and memorable?
We would do a small gift exchange, go for dinner, sometimes we would go to a cottage for a weekend -- it didn't matter what it was that we did, as long as we all came together to acknowledge that we love each other. The expectations we put on ourselves and each other were not dreaded or resented. Quite the opposite! We relished the expectations and the excitement of sharing time, giving each other tokens of love and appreciation, and doing something fun.
When my sister had a date, she would include me somehow in festivities during the Valentine's weekend, and so would my mom. They would always make a point of doing so. When my awesome step-dad came onto the scene, he also adopted our eccentric Valentine's ways and welcomed our presence with open arms.
Enter my fiancé: my beautiful, selfless, generous, kind, funny, humbling fiancé. I'm a blessed woman. Aside from an amazing family, I've been able to include my fiancé in that circle, too. Again, there are no harrowing expectations around Valentine's Day for my partner and I. I burst with excitement to express my love for him in any way that I can. What does my relationship (and celebrations on V-Day with my partner) mean for my family's tradition? Well, my family has adapted to supporting and including any new members :). We haven't lost our tradition of doing something together. We make an effort to keep up sharing in something as a family, even if it's just a brief visit or dinner.
So how ELSE can you celebrate love? Glad you asked!!
I've seen more campaigns (grassroots, student campaigns, events on campus, online articles, etc.) this year circling the idea that Valentine's Day can be so much more than what the stores make it. Valentine's Day can be about love: period. What's more is that I'm seeing greater focus on loving thyself. So let's go with that advice: LOVE YOURSELF, please. Thanks. I bet you don't give yourself enough celebration. We all do lots of self-deprecation and criticism, but what about self-love? I'm not talking about anything vain or selfish: I'm talking about doing something nice for yourself. Take a nice bath, read a book you love, go see a movie you've been dying to see, binge on Netflix, eat that Chicago Mix popcorn you've been craving all week, take that gym class you've been wanting to--do something, no matter how small, for YOU.
While you're at it, why not celebrate someone you love: a family member, a friend, a coworker, your neighbour, your dog, your cat.... see where I'm going with this? Instead of focusing on what makes you feel uncomfortable or avoidant (i.e. "crap...I'm supposed to be in love right now and I'm not... Valentine's Day sucks!" or "Valentine's Day is the most fake, stupid holiday ever!"), why not focus on things that make you smile? Even if nothing you do has pink or red hearts on it, making sure you give your puppy a tighter hug than usual on February 14th, or giving your kitty an extra treat, or spending more time playing video games with your brother, you'll be enhancing your own happiness instead of hindering it with disappointment and unrealistic expectations.
Remember: you are in control of how you spend Valentine's Day, and every day of the year. More importantly: you are in control of how you view each day. If your heart will sing by you allowing yourself to be hibernating in your house with Netflix this Valentine's Day without any inkling of the kitschy stuff going on outside, then awesome! BASK IN IT. If your heart will sing by writing a card for your best friend, covering it in sparkly hearts and everything pink, red, purple, and white, while sharing cupcakes with pink icing, then BASK IN IT.
Bask in what makes you happy on Valentine's Day, and every day.
I get it--I really do. These views of Valentine's Day are born from shopping malls, card stores, commercials, and crappy movies.
So why the heck do I love Love Day?
Simple: my family.
Valentine's Day has not been about couples and romance for me until I met my partner (now fiancé). Growing up, I loved picking out Valentine's Day cards for my classmates and friends. More than anything, though, I loved the time I got to spend and celebrate with my family. As cheesy as it may sound, Valentine's Day has been about celebrating love. (Thanks, Mom!)
Family has always been so important to my inspiring mother, my incredible father, my beautiful (inside and out) sister, and me. When my dad passed away, our little family unit became even closer. We cherished what time we could celebrate together--what time we could bask in and make the most of. Once you experience a great loss, you look at time in a whole new perspective! Hence, why not use every excuse/reason to make that time fun and memorable?
We would do a small gift exchange, go for dinner, sometimes we would go to a cottage for a weekend -- it didn't matter what it was that we did, as long as we all came together to acknowledge that we love each other. The expectations we put on ourselves and each other were not dreaded or resented. Quite the opposite! We relished the expectations and the excitement of sharing time, giving each other tokens of love and appreciation, and doing something fun.
When my sister had a date, she would include me somehow in festivities during the Valentine's weekend, and so would my mom. They would always make a point of doing so. When my awesome step-dad came onto the scene, he also adopted our eccentric Valentine's ways and welcomed our presence with open arms.
Enter my fiancé: my beautiful, selfless, generous, kind, funny, humbling fiancé. I'm a blessed woman. Aside from an amazing family, I've been able to include my fiancé in that circle, too. Again, there are no harrowing expectations around Valentine's Day for my partner and I. I burst with excitement to express my love for him in any way that I can. What does my relationship (and celebrations on V-Day with my partner) mean for my family's tradition? Well, my family has adapted to supporting and including any new members :). We haven't lost our tradition of doing something together. We make an effort to keep up sharing in something as a family, even if it's just a brief visit or dinner.
So how ELSE can you celebrate love? Glad you asked!!
I've seen more campaigns (grassroots, student campaigns, events on campus, online articles, etc.) this year circling the idea that Valentine's Day can be so much more than what the stores make it. Valentine's Day can be about love: period. What's more is that I'm seeing greater focus on loving thyself. So let's go with that advice: LOVE YOURSELF, please. Thanks. I bet you don't give yourself enough celebration. We all do lots of self-deprecation and criticism, but what about self-love? I'm not talking about anything vain or selfish: I'm talking about doing something nice for yourself. Take a nice bath, read a book you love, go see a movie you've been dying to see, binge on Netflix, eat that Chicago Mix popcorn you've been craving all week, take that gym class you've been wanting to--do something, no matter how small, for YOU.
While you're at it, why not celebrate someone you love: a family member, a friend, a coworker, your neighbour, your dog, your cat.... see where I'm going with this? Instead of focusing on what makes you feel uncomfortable or avoidant (i.e. "crap...I'm supposed to be in love right now and I'm not... Valentine's Day sucks!" or "Valentine's Day is the most fake, stupid holiday ever!"), why not focus on things that make you smile? Even if nothing you do has pink or red hearts on it, making sure you give your puppy a tighter hug than usual on February 14th, or giving your kitty an extra treat, or spending more time playing video games with your brother, you'll be enhancing your own happiness instead of hindering it with disappointment and unrealistic expectations.
Remember: you are in control of how you spend Valentine's Day, and every day of the year. More importantly: you are in control of how you view each day. If your heart will sing by you allowing yourself to be hibernating in your house with Netflix this Valentine's Day without any inkling of the kitschy stuff going on outside, then awesome! BASK IN IT. If your heart will sing by writing a card for your best friend, covering it in sparkly hearts and everything pink, red, purple, and white, while sharing cupcakes with pink icing, then BASK IN IT.
Bask in what makes you happy on Valentine's Day, and every day.
