holistically: mindful
Because I feel mental these days. And I'm fine with that.
Life has a funny way of twisting and warping your sense of time. Back in the Fall of 2015, it felt like time was trudging by, then sped up exponentially as my wedding drew nearer. Here we are. It's March, 2016: the birth month of my sister and my mother-in-law (two very special women). March also marks the anniversary of my grandmother's death (another very special woman). In between it all, St. Patty's Day shall adorn our lives with merriment and shenanigans. Quite the month.
I began typing this with a war wound from cooking: I sliced the padding of my ring finger with a potato peeler while prepping potatoes for both a tomato soup and a coconut curry. I don't recommend it (the slicing of the finger; not the dishes...they're delicious). i'm compelled to be here, though: I'm here to step up the game with writing these posts. I've missed my e-verse. I've missed exploring familiar topics and contemplating other topics that seem fresh and alluring. This is a new year and there are new shenanigans to explore!
Why the title? It's not simply clickbait: I swear.
I want to be a rebel, and I encourage you, my friends--my e-verse--to do the same. Against what shall we rebel? I dare us to rebel against societal norms and pressure to accept mediocrity in ourselves and in love.
I have been married 5 months. That's a drop in the bucket compared to other couples. Fully understand that, and I realize that we have a long road ahead of us filled with sunshine and storms. And those days where it's rainy and cool and makes you feel like your bones are shivering. But mostly sunny days where there's a breeze and you could frolic all day long.
I digress.
What societal norms was I referring to before? In regard to pressures while in love...I have been teased by longer-married couples (in good humour, I reckon) about my husband and I being a "ball-and-chain" to each other. More often than not, we've heard many quips about how everything goes downhill after the wedding day. Yes, a few important things in my life did plunge into chaos after my wedding (and honeymoon), but it wasn't my marriage.
If anything, my marriage has been getting better--or at least stronger. Hence why we got married. I did not get married just because it was the right thing to do at the time. My husband and I check in with each other all the time about life and how we're doing--we communicate with each other (shocking, I know... at least to the camps of people who believe marriage equals tolerating each other and having kids). We revel in each other's company, which has been very needed (let me tell you). We've done our best to honour when we need alone time, time with friends, time with family, and time "just us."
I admire and am humbled by my husband. Throughout some struggles that have bled into this year from 2015, he has encouraged me to radically take care of myself. This is not something I'm used to. I'm accustomed to a cortisol-fuelled, hamster-wheel lifestyle. He wants me to thrive and be happy and has done everything in his power to make it happen.
Amidst the kindness from my husband and my mission to regain my Ash-ness (and de-hamster), I'm reminded of some pesky societal pressures... I'm at that age now (i.e. any age post 25-years-old) where kids become a question, vocation is wagging its finger at me saying "make up your mind, stupid!", and I start to wonder if living in an apartment is still acceptable by society...at this age. I'm guilty of letting these intruders in sometimes. All they're good for is pressure and stress.
Here's the part where we rebel, folks. Screw the pressure. Screw the ticking biological timebomb bullshit. Screw the notion that marriage and/or life slopes downwards after "that age" or after the most expensive (and hopefully happiest?!) day in your life.
No. I do not accept you.
Life isn't meant to be perfect, but it doesn't have to suck or be mediocre (at best). There will be shitty days and shitty periods in your life: whether you're married or not. What you hold onto and put your love and energy into during those shitty times and good times is what will thrive. If things get hard during our marriage, we haven't said "oh... this is life's expiration starting to take place. Cool."
Instead, we've rebelled and said "hey you: we've got a good thing here and we're going to stick together." When life gets hard, we become shit-surfers, or at least help the other person onto the surfboard to ride it out together. (That whole communication thing helps a whole lot!)
If life gives you too much to be able to or want to help yourself or your spouse, then something needs to change. That's when the bullshit all piles up and the acceptance or compliance to the storm takes over. As in: "ok... this is how it's meant to be, I guess." *insert passive shrug here*
Sometimes, we need to pause in that passivity in order catch our breath and find inspiration to move forward. OF COURSE: in this passive time, be kind to your fine self and cope with what you can, when and how you can. I am a strong believer in asking for help if needed, too.
THEN!
The magic happens when you're ready to move
ready to face change
ready to be a REBEL.
Movement and "change" do not have to mean making things instantly sunny and happy. In fact, it practically never does. There is almost always discomfort with change, even when it leads to something beautiful. The point is to be rebellious against the status quo of whatever bullshit weight bears down on your shoulders. I dare you to not accept it just because everyone else is, or because it's common to do so for yourself or others. I dare you to be a rebel for yourself--for your heart and soul--and for your loved one(s).
It hasn't been easy rebelling against the notion that I'm becoming a boring, old, lazy, weakling due to recent life changes and decisions. I'm not ok with that and it hurts to feel like I'm becoming less of a person because of some of what's happened to me and choices I have made as I get older.
Inspired by the love in my life (from my husband, family, friends, colleagues), I dared to move and rebel against the dangers of getting older than 25. I'm sure some of the pressure and judgment I've felt has been self-imposed. That said, upon further exploration and discussion with friends and family, I've realized that an uncomfortable amount of pressure extends from long-standing societal expectations to be all wonderful things (including semi-happily married) by 25 or run the risk of being nothing at all.
Rebel.
Dare to balance compassion for yourself with forward momentum to evolve. I do not accept that life has to suck once I've passed 25 AND entered the institution of marriage.** I may not be WonderWoman at age 28, but my choices and circumstances have blessed me with an incredible circle of support, a mind that is mental but inspired, and a heart that is just as ok with taking care of itself as it is discovering the next mission on which it wants to embark.
Check your own pressures at the door and any pressures that may extend from the big bad world of "what everyone else is doing and saying." Dare to be you at any age, satisfy your heart at any age, and dare to be happy....... at ANY AGE, in ANY state of relationship including marriage. Life gets hard at times: it doesn't have to stay that way just because you got older and got married...or didn't. (Because being a single person past 25 is a whole other bag of.... sticks. This merits its own post some day.)
Just remember:
Rebel.
**Please see my previous post on how I cherish marriage, if you're unsure of my feelings on the subject. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment