Perspective

holistically: mindful and spiritual

A buddy of mine asked me how things are going for me today, and how wedding plans are going.  Not an unusual question, and I always sense that he genuinely wants to know.  I gave a pretty typical response about things in general ("things" have been stressful and a bit rollercoaster-esque).  My response to the wedding question was positive: I am super excited about marrying my best friend and partner.  To boot, plans have been going smoothly and the "big stuff" was planned a while ago.  Woo hoo!

Back to my friend.

When I asked him in return, he almost said something of a venting nature, stopped himself, and then went off on a tangent.  Before a cohesive sentence about the struggles of having a new baby in the household, work stuff, or whatever came out of his mouth, he said that he really could not complain.  Following that, as we walked with coffees in hand, he continued to explain that he really has it "pretty good," especially when you consider his situation versus what's going on on a global scale. I was transfixed, and kept listening as he described a YouTube video he saw about a soldier coming home to his daughter after a 1-year deployment.  He described how the daughter bursts into (happy) tears and alluded to how impactful that video was to him.

[I've seen a few of those videos (people tend to post that kind of "inspirational" content on Facebook or Reddit).  For a taste, check this one out.]

I commented on how that type of video would certainly hit home for him, especially as he and his wife just had another beautiful baby girl.  (Personally, I can't imagine the emotional turmoil families go through when their soldiers are deployed.)

I joked about how there's always room for improvement, but agreed that we really do need perspective in our lives.  We parted, and on went our day.  But it got me thinking as I felt uneasy about the topic of conversation and honestly, I wasn't very happy with myself .

Something surprised me and I dare say that I felt a wee bit of shame because of this: when he was saying how he really has "no right to complain" about anything, I could feel a rising sense of disagreement.   A voice was rebelling inside saying "of COURSE you have every right to complain about [xyz, or whatever we've discussed in the past]."  I shut that voice up and listened, instead, but I did so reluctantly.  I could feel a slight anger rising inside of me because I have been complaining about certain things that I'm struggling with in my life.  All of a sudden I felt like I was being slapped in the face with the notion of "it's really not that bad, kid! Get over it!"

Well.  Of course whatever I'm going through isn't that bad (this one's a slow burn).  On a base level, I'm a white, middle-class woman.  According to societal norms, I'm privileged in at least two regards.  On a spiritual, mental, and physical level, I feel amazingly privileged that I have a home; a family I love and who loves me; a partner who I adore and will marry soon (SQUEE!); wonderful friends; beautiful and loving furbabies; and a job! Not bad, if I do say so myself.

Enter my social work conscience....

But but but!  What about illness-inducing stress?  Debilitating depression?  Toxic relationships? Chronic anxiety that haunts your nights and your waking hours? What about financial pressures? Family issues? What about "normal" problems? 

If you are uncomfortable with something, hurting, experiencing mental health issues and/or physical health issues, it's all real.  It's all valid,  We completely, entirely, and absolutely (I'm not talking about Sith-like absolutes, people!) have a right to complain...

with perspective and gratitude.

If you do not release that which you are upset about, it will stew, fester, and grow and express its ugly self in nasty ways (more on that in another post to come).  In addition, if you're facing something chronic (a chronic condition, a family member is chronically and/or terminally ill, etc.), your well-being depends on being able to work through things and getting support.

However, at the same time, as my friend pointed out, we truly do need perspective. Our families are not plagued by poverty, war, natural disasters, disease, fascism, etc.  For example, I have the privilege of going to the grocery store and buying what I need and want.  That's huge.  Absolutely HUGE.  So very many people in Canada cannot even afford what they need--let alone what they want.

So what's the answer? First on the docket:

Gratitude. You can have your complaining-cake and eat it, too.  You can complain, vent, cry, scream, swear, punch a bag (please don't punch someone), go get counselling, talk to a friend, workout, write something, dance around, flail your arms, curl up in a ball---whatever you need to do to get it out! Whether or not your concerns seem valid to someone else, if they're real to you then they are real in general. <3

After that, be grateful.  It really could be so. much. worse. If you've ever experienced anxiety, then you don't need me to list all the things that could go wrong (anxiety-brain does that constantly for me and for you, if you experience it, too).  Instead, list all the things that have gone (and are going) right.  List (on paper or in your lovely cranium) what you feel good about; what makes you smile.  If you're lucky enough: what puts food on your table; what puts a roof over your head; that you have a roof and food; etc.   It may sound corny or dumb, but being grateful in the face of great adversity will help you achieve something incredibly profound:

Balance.

When you gain perspective, you have achieved a true balance between empathy and self-love, where you can understand (to an extent) what others go through, and accept your own truth and reality simultaneously.  It's not always easy to do because fear of what could go wrong or what is going wrong conflicts with the positive in life.  The negative tries to cloud your vision and blind you from the good.  While you can't fight that cloud completely, you can clear some of the fog with focusing on what you are thankful for.  There, you will find balance.

I felt angry today because some of the things I am facing are not being solved.  However, when I shifted my focus, I managed to feel incredible gratitude, love, hope, and lightness because I lead a fulfilling life.  From the basics of being able to live at all--to breathe, see, hear, smell, touch, and taste--to the richness of experiencing the true love of a soul mate, I am blessed.  And there's nothing wrong with that.  I am no less deserving of expressing my truth when I feel low, and no less deserving of having a wonderful life.  I just need to share that blessing and try to do what I can to brighten others' lives.  So vent, be thankful, and share.

Perspective.

There's a website for that

holistically: mindful

Hello Interwebs

Just your friendly neighbourhood Social Work-esque blogger here.

We all know the phrase: "there's an app for that" (thanks, Apple).  Well, I believe that there is also a website for most things in life: cooking, loving, clothes, how-to's, organization, self-help, gadgets, gaming, resources, informational pages, etc. etc. etc.  If you've thought of it, there probably is a website for it.

Which brings me to my quest for "what will I resolve to do this year" (i.e. cliché New Year's resolution stuff). I'm not a fan of clichéd tasks, really: having a New Year's resolution feels uninspired and unauthentic.  Why?  Because we're force-fed resolutions by a plethora of sources (media, companies, advertising) that we "should" strive for: lose weight! look younger! get fit! be more [insert whatever trait society deems successful, beautiful, sexy, desirable, etc.]!  Not much room for change or creativity, eh?

Having said all that, I do see value in striving for self-betterment.  I believe in working on thyself and for thyself.  If you can't be your own employee, then whose can you be?

What does this all have to do with websites and the interwebs, you ask?

Everything *insert Inception noise here*

This is simply a start, folks, but while I was searching for ways to de-stress this year, I came across two websites (told ya this had something to do with websites!) that sparked my interest.

The first is through the Chopra Center.  Yes, I am referring to the Oprah-touted spiritual leader's website/community.  The specific program I'm referring to is called "De-Stress Your Mind and Body ... in 10 Days." (Catchy, non?)

So far, I'm on day seven.....ish (there's been a day or two in between each task for me), and I have been given small tasks to do each day.  They have been manageable and pleasant.  For example, one of the day's tasks was to be still and basically meditate for 10 minutes. Done and done!  With the astounding number of apps and websites dedicated to timers and guided meditations, you can find a way to do 10 minutes of meditation.

The 10-day program does center around Ayurvedic medicine, or the balance of mind, body and environment: http://doshaquiz.chopra.com/.   The beginning of the program starts out with this quiz, identifying which area(s) of your "self" is (are) out of balance.  This is not to pathologize, but moreso to identify where you may be needing to balance and channel your energy.  For me, my mind is in stressville, and my body is "heavy" with stress, congestion, sluggishness.. Fun, eh?

Something to note: your results can change from day-to-day.  For science's sake, I may do this over 3 random days and see what results come up the most.  Yay, science!

One of the main tips I keep getting from various resources over the last couple of years is to "be still".  In what way?  Well, by doing yoga, meditating, breathing (breathing is always good), etc.  Those activities almost seem like catch-phrases or clichés these days.  However, there is profound peace that can be attained by practicing those activities.

Bonus! You do not have to be a professional meditator (meditater? tater? I do love potatoes) or yogi to practice yoga, meditation, and deep breathing.  Nope! It's actually best to start out small, Pick one of those for now and try it out for a few weeks.  There are lots of materials of on all three, and lots of FREE videos on all three practices:

Ekhart Yoga: lots of free yoga videos from beginner to advanced
Positive Magazine Meditation Relaxation Inspiration: a variety of Guided Meditations and other instructional videos on meditation ... you get to learn how to r e l a x. Bam! That's some homework I don't mind doing!

Even do a search for "deep breathing" on YouTube.com and you'll get a wide list of videos instructing you how to deep breathe (and for various benefits, too).

Onto the second link in question: www.De-stress.ca.  Yes, you read that correctly.   There exists a website called "de-stress." This is a Manitoba-based website with lots of resources and information on stress and how to do simple, manageable things to de-stress.  It's also free, in case you didn't catch that.

What about other resources? Google-magic gives us a plethora (I love that word) of resources. For example, following the search "how to stress less," the first few options include (again) very simple, manageable tricks to identify stress triggers and minimize their impact.  To boot, these resources come from a variety of areas: the fitness world, WebMD, a site geared toward women, the Psych realm of the interwebs, and plenty of others. Men, I did a search including "for men" and found one for the guys, too.  Equal opportunity (i.e. Feminism), baby!

Folks, I will caution you against biting off more than you can chew.  With all of this information, please consider where you are in your life and what you feel like doing.  It may only be that you are able to stop at lunch to take 3 deep breaths each day.  Once that becomes a habit (i.e. it becomes automatic for you), then think about what you want to incorporate next.  Baby steps will help you make new thing habits faster than taking on too much, doing it for a week, then giving up.

Let me know in the comments If there are other resources you've enjoyed or heard about that have helped you!

Bonus: I came across the following app (and website!) called Calm.com.  It's such a handy, comprehensive app to take meditations with you wherever you go.  And, they range from 2-30 minutes.  Everyone has 2 minutes in their day :). I got the app for free from the Amazon Marketplace (on my Blackberry Q10).

ENJOY!